I’ll be back in a Sec – just need to go rob a Bank.

Before we start, we feel the need to make the usual sort of disclaimers, being responsible and all that, that it’s not big and it’s not clever and gambling addiction is a serious illness. But with all that out the way, we challenge anyone reading this not to chuckle.

According to widely circulated reports from The Washington Post amongst other reputable sources, this week a Charleston man just could not accept that the juice had run out on a 5 hour plus Blackjack session and took the decision to go “direct to source” for funds replenishment. So the story goes, 52-year-old Kerry Johnson had been installed at a table at the Mardi Gras Casino in the small city of Nitro, West Virginia, since about 10 am on the morning of Wednesday 3rd August, when sometime after 3pm, with funds presumably running low, he vacated his seat leaving a $25 chip in place to hold his spot.

In the time between him returning to it, it is alleged Johnson visited the nearby City National Bank and turned the joint over, claiming, on a hand written note scribbled on a yellow legal (haha) pad to be armed with both a bomb and a gun (clearly never one wishing to feel underdressed for an occasion, Kerry).

In images from the bank’s security cameras, the man matching Johnson’s description with a white towel wrapped around his neck and wearing a red T-shirt and a dark hat with a gold “WV” — the logo for West Virginia University – left the bank with an undisclosed sum of cash before driving away in green Mazda Miata, the getaway car of choice for any respectable bank robber!

Shortly thereafter a man, definitely Johnson, returned to the blackjack table at The Mardi Gras, reclaimed his seat and continued playing.

After his arrest, Johnson reportedly told police he had a gambling problem. Not shit?? Sadly, for Kerry he also clearly has something of a basic intelligence problem to run alongside. After a tip off that a man matching Johnson’s image had recently bought a green Miata, Police visited his home and found the car parked outside. Inside the house they found, well you guessed it: a dark hat with a gold “WV” a suspiciously similar towel, legal pad and a sizeable amount of cash behind a cushion on the couch.

Unsurprisingly Johnson was charged there and then.